I AM CANADIAN

Well I am not the television type, but if I was I would have wrote this commercial. Picture me sitting in my cage swinging on my tire swing. I could have never wrote this any better. Now that you have that creative image in your brain read on...


I am in the minority in Calgary , Vancouver , Toronto, and every casino in this country. I was born in the forties, fifties or sixties, yet I am somehow responsible for some First Nations people being screwed out of their land in the 1700's!

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are Ignorant.... These same people cannot name this country's new territory.

On April 1st, 1999, the map of Canada changed for the first time in 50 years with the creation of Nunavut Territory. The Northwest Territories was split and approximately 2 million square kilometers of the central and eastern arctic became 'Nunavut'.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on hamburgers and don't have a pot to pee in, I sleep well knowing that my taxes helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate... Quebec still provides most of my nation's prime ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa for that matter.

I am being told that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.

I am also being told that the same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my Grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I am being told that spending $15 billion to promote the French language in the rest of Canada is fair when the province of Quebec doesn't support or recognize the English language.

I am being told that paying $1million for 3 Stripes ('The Voice of Fire' painting in Ottawa ) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99% of this country didn't want it or will ever see it.

When I look at my pension and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say 'Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans.'

I must bail out big corporations who drive their business into the ground and say yeah that's ok when they move all their manufacturing plants and jobs to a third world country and say no problem.

My National Anthem has versions in both official languages.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest Military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing terrorists.

I am not a crusty old ape.

I am an angry taxpayer who is broke.

I am Canadian !!!

I know there was a beer commercial similar to this a few years ago, but it was pretty political correct. I am a redneck primate that does not believe in political correctness so this is my version!

Until next time........
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Cheers From The Big Ape.....