Friday, May 30, 2008


Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, North and South Carolinians, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as 'APPALACHIAN - AMERICANS.'

And furthermore


1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'




5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE'

6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER'


1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN'


4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION'

6. It's not the 'CRACK' hanging out of his pants - It's - 'REAR CLEAVAGE'

I thought I would kick off your weekend off with a giggle.....

Are You Tired Of Big Brother Thinking For Us?

I am really perplexed as to how much the government has to think for us. What did we do 50 years ago? I don't know maybe they have been thinking for us back then to. All I know that I am tired every time something tragic happens the government needs to step up and make a new law to protect us. The point that started this rant is they are talking about making legislation to ban us using I-pods with ear phones that block out the out side world. They say (they is the government) that people should not be walking around with noise canceling head phones on. If this gentleman from Africa would have had other head phones on he might not have been killed. My thought to that is it was his time to go and he went. I truly believe when your number is called it does not matter what you are doing you are going to pass. So whether he was out for a walk that warm afternoon or he was driving down the nearest express way he would have been wiped out. Common sense rules here people! I am a firm believer that you only do stupid things once and generally learn. As Jeff Foxworthy used to say in one of his stand up bits. We learned growing up if we played with that TV wobbling on that TV stand, and it fell on us we only did it once. Point taken... There is is laws in place that take care of the common sense things in life. I feel we are being legislated to death. The police forces have enough trouble keeping the scum bags off the street as it is let alone worrying about some wet behind the ears teenager with those baggy pants whether he has the right ear phones on or not. Survival of the fittest I say! So next time you are are about to do something that is not the smartest thing in life to do. Think two things here; is there a law prohibiting me from doing this? Or if this goes sideways and I get hurt are they going to create a new law for me? Unless you are looking for you 15 minutes of fame being a dumb ass. Think before you do stupid things.

Here is the story that got me on this rand check it out if you want..

Until next time....

From the Big Ape :-)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Fat People Are Resposible For Global Warming!

Well I guess I can say that I have heard it all in it blame it one something society. Fat people are the cause of global warming, because they eat more and that in turn takes more planting of products and killing of animals. Oh ya we cannot forget that all that would have to be brought to you in trucks so the carbon foot print from the diesel will degrade the climate. I just about forgot too that we are fat so we have to take more public transit or driving our cars more then a skinny person. Now I would like to add this is a study of two no name scientists in a no name school in England. When the American schools were contacted they would not buy into the concept. They were quick to say that things like canceling physical education for our students, excess portions in restaurants, and other things you can read in the article I will post to let you read the rubbish for yourself. I find it funny that people cannot really think about the facts before they spew useless rubbish in a place where too many people take to heart what they read in today's society. That is like saying that short people should die because they take too many resources to make so they can access the top shelves in grocery stores. Have you ever heard of such non-sense? I guess I should run to my lawyer and sue McDonalds because they sold me hamburgers that could make me fat. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS PEOPLE!!!! The ozone is screwed up because we did not care up until about 15 years ago about our planet so anything could be done without a second look. OOPPSS me bad. Now some 15 years later we figured out that we are chewing holes in our ozone the size of large cities , and now that seems to be a problem. YOU THINK???? This kind of thinking set trends for young children to having eating disorders. I think that people with power should be more cognoscente of what they say before they publish such garbage.

Anyway that is my opinion, but I could be wrong...

From The Big Ape

Link to this story if you are interested

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Get Older or Wiser you be the Judge?

I am not sure if I am getting Wiser or Older? The more I think the more I think if you cannot change it why sweat it. Don't get me wrong there is still things that get my knickers in a knot. I still believe that I still need to stand for the underdog. As a wise man once told me,"if you don't stand for something you will fall for everything". It is the big things that I don't get up tight, and out of sight for any more. If I can borrow a line from a Terry Clark song "I think the world needs a drink" if you have never heard this song go to your favorite download site or your nearest radio station and request it. I know when I was younger I got up tight about everything. Maybe back then I had the strength to back up my bravado where now I am not as good as I once was, but remember I am good once as I ever was....LOL It just seems that every time you turn on the TV or open up the news paper it is bad news or something nasty is happening. Now don't get me wrong my self as a journalist will state that if it is news people have the right to know about it. My point to this is I think the whole world is wound too tight. I have a perfect idea to settle the middle east conflict. Take a page from the bikers: I know you are probably thinking that it is not the fact he is getting old he has just reached senility... All these people over in the middle east has to do is throw a huge party, and come to the conclusion that they are both right and set turfs that other other cannot cross and do not wear their colors or run with their flags or what ever they use to identify them selves when they are on each others turf, and most importantly keep Religion out of the mix and the world would be a happier place. One of my professors once said these situations would be solved very easily if they would just sit down and listen to each other. I never really got that statement until just recently. We all say we listen, but do we? Can you sit in a conversation and truly say that you listen to the other person completely with out thinking what you are going to say next or what you are going to make for dinner later on. Try it really it is not as easy as it sounds! The point to this is the world would slow down a bit and I think there would be less conflict because people would not jump to conclusions before the problem was completely revealed. Like I say I revert back to the title am I getting Older or Wiser I am not sure you have to be the judge on this one. One thing I have realized though is I had this blogging thing all wrong. I was trying to write so I would inform or entertain you as a reader. I had it all wrong I need to just write what I am thinking or feeling and that in itself I guess is entertainment enough for you as a reader. At least that is what I am told anyway. If it is that easy maybe I will post more often now as I am always thinking. Sometimes it is on things that really do not matter, but none the less my little hamster is always working overtime on his wheel. I guess that is my problem I think too much. Any way until next time....


From The Big Ape :-)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Pondering Thoughts

As the title explains I have some pondering thoughts. I know it has been a bit since I last posted, but I have come to the conclusion it is not the amount I post it is he quality that I post. That is my story, and I am sticking to that anyway!! LOL You know when you lose someone you knew that you were friends with it starts you reflecting on life. I should not lump all my readers into that category I guess, but that is what I tend to do. I tend to reflect as to what life is all about, and what it means to me. The older I get (I know this makes me sound ancient) the more philosophical I get about life, and what it all means. Friendship is taken too lightly sometimes. Do we take friends for granted? Do you think that friends will always be there when you need them? I personally think that friendships are like marriages if you don't work at them they will fall apart. I must admit when someone is taken from you unexpectedly it does kind of knock the wind out of your sails, and make you think what should/or could I have done more of or differently. One thing that I have realized is life is too short, and one needs to enjoy the time we have with each other for what it is and, not have any hidden agenda's to life. Now you can say what he is talking about? Really when you truly reflect we think that we can do this or that tomorrow or next week and it will be alright. What happens if that tomorrow or next week won't be there? We as society needs to enjoy today for today! I am not saying you should not make plans I am just saying don't take life for granted. It is the little things to some people that one does that is more important to people then going out of your way to make a big production. So with that being said I would like to bid Wilf farewell, and say he may be gone, but he will never be forgotten. God Speed my friend!!!!!!
I guess that takes me to my next point. What is a friend? One friend commented to me a while ago when we were talking you know our friendship has lasted longer then some marriages. I got thinking about that statement, and he is right. Marriages and friendships are kind of the same in a twisted sort of way. You have have to work at both of them and when they fail you always wonder what could have happened differently. After just losing this friend recently I looked at the current friends we have now. For the most part the wife and I kind of keep to ourselves and when we meet friends we generally are pretty low key. We are not party animals, we generally do home parties or go out for dinner occasionally. As friends you should be there for each other when there is good times and the bad times. So many people are what I call fair weather friends when it is all about them they are all in, but when the shoe is on the other foot then things get difficult. A friend of mine one time told me friendships are like teabags. You never know how strong they are until you get in to hot water with them. That is so true!!! All I can say to that those type of people are going to find themselves very lonely one day, because they tend to gravitate to that type of group that creates that shallowness, and push the ones that were there for the long term away. These people appear strong and have things together, but really they are actors and eventually their sadness does surface, and they will see how good their friends are there are for them. Anyway enough reflection for now.
I have realized life is too short not to dance naked!!!
Don't put off saying to someone how you truly feel! Give that person a hug and tell them how special they are as what we put off today we may never get to say or do tomorrow!

Until next time

From The Big Ape :-)