Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

Hidy Ho friends and neighbours, along with new blog readers. I am pleasantly surprised as to how much traffic is been sent to from Oslo or Rogaland of course we have all my friends and Mellody's family that view my pondering thoughts of a mad monkey. It is that time once again. I get to enlighten you with those strange and unusual facts, along with general stuff that floats around my large vessel they call my head. I have also found some interesting things from the web that I generally find I need to cast out to my readers like seeds to a forest. Some catch some get passed over, but at the end of the day we are all better for it.

It has been kind of quite these days as far as news and views. My wife had a birthday last week so we had a quite night of dinner and a couple movies. She is so thoughtful she even picked up one for me after she went to sleep. So we watched of course the movie of her choice. Made of Honor with Patrick Dempsey.
Well for a chick flic it was pretty good. I would rate it 7 out of 10 for a chic flic, although I am pretty easy to please. My wife seemed to enjoy it. She shed tears at one point, but then again she would probably shed tears at any show that shows
lost love or mushy stuff. You know what I mean girls! Then my wife and I are fans of the comedy world so she picked up a comedy which I am assuming went straight to video called Bait Shop.I don't remember any movie trailers for it. It stars Bill Engvall and Billy Ray Cyrus. again for a sit down and veg for 85 minutes show, it was a pretty good movie. I am a big fan of Bill Engvall so I had to check it out. I would give it a 6.5 out of 10. Like I said it is one of those movies that good guy wins in the end, feel good about humanity type shows. Then I was blessed of my wife thinking of me and she picked up Never Back Down (chacun son combat) It is pretty good I would rate it about 7 out of 10. It will be interesting to see if part two ever materializes out of this. There is some pretty good MMA fighting in this one. Gee we just get more and more refined in this blog all the time. I am doing movie reviews, what is next wine

Home Home On The Range
Where The Deer And Antelope Play

And just for the AAAWWWWW factor we will include a pic of bugs bunny!

The deer and antelope are pics I have taken while we have been out for drives. The Bunny pic is actually my wife's work. He is kind of her resident pet. He was living underneath our shed. Now that we have neighbours with dogs I guess he got nervous and moved on. Bye Bye Bugs.
I am going to try and include more pics as I am getting out more often now, and when I do go out I try and take a camera with me. Actually we are pretty blessed with wild life being we live in a city. They roam pretty freely here. We have 3 or 4 areas that are park like right in the city that they know they are safe in these areas. They just live in the city and feed on gardens and such along with the parks that are kept pretty green. Speaking of deer we just about got up close and personal with a herd of them last evening. The Wife and I were out running a few errands when we were swarmed with a doe and a few of her friends. I know swarmed seems like an odd word to use, but as quick as they jumped onto the road way they ran across the road and into neighborhood back yards. So
unfortunately no pics on that one, but I am sure there will be more in the offing as I am feeling better, and getting out more often. I encourage people to leave comments as to whether this is something that you as readers would like to see more of.

Now talking about interesting pictures we in the Medicine Hat area are blessed with some very cool pictures. The worlds tallest tepee, awesome wild life, and the Indian wearing an ear bud
This was spotted from someone searching Google maps. It is just one more reason to visit the great city of Medicine Hat and area.

Now I found a piece that actually explains out Federal Government pretty well you be the judge:
A little boy goes to his father and asks, 'What is Politics and why is that
Stephen Harper on the television again?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check
on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.
So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door
locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy tells his father, 'Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about.'
The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class
while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the
Future is in deep shit.

I could have not said it any better myself!

Here's some interesting facts.......kinda puts a new curve on the ole' saying '2 thumbs up'!


The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.

It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Men that read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs. !!!!!!!!

You can't say you never learn things when you read my blog. lol Now guys have to worry about another thing that women will measure us by. Our feet, Noses now our thumbs what is next?
Well men we can fight back. I found this now I am going to warn you now it is PG 18, but I just could not resist. Vagina Repair's quick and painless Now this is where is becomes PG 18. The question is it is supposed to be painless I just can't see that, but then again you women are the ones that deposit 6 to 8lb human forms out a hole that is meant for a large cucumber. Personally I could not imagine passing anything much bigger then a golf ball. Then I am a guy what do I know!

Did you know that if you wear red you are considered more sexy then if you wear say blue or green. This was explained in a article I will be enclosing the link for here.
It was also noted that in some situations it can promote anger. So I guess as long as you are not going to be breaking up with your significant other, or chasing any bulls all should be good I say.

Microsoft is at it again. Some people have been having issues with Vista the latest operating system for Windows. I guess I have been on the lucky side for the most part I cannot say I have any major failures. Not like some users, you mention Vista and it is like throwing huge amounts of a flammable liquid (insert your liquid of choice here) on a fire. Don't despair Microsoft has come to your rescue. Windows 7 is going to be your life preserver in the great big sea of cyber space. Read here on the details and in the mean time there is always XP or one better Linux. Ubuntu is just as slick as Windows with more built in features. One point that I like the best is it is FREE. That is my kind of pricing!

Well I think that wraps most everything up that I wanted to share with you today. So until next time dance through life like there is no tomorrow.

From The Big Ape :-a

Monday, October 20, 2008

If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Good day to one and all. I trust everyone made it back alive from their weekend? If not I guess reading this is a mute point! lol Anyway my fingers have never let me or you down, and I have a hole swack of goodies for you this posting. Without further ado....

How old did you say she was?
Man if I only looked that good now at 41 as she does at 106. Not that I should look like a fabulously aged black woman. I know people that are in their 60's that do not look as good as she does. To go even further I know she has got more of her facilities going on for her at 106 then I do at 41!!! LMAO Anyway I just posted this one for no other then to comment about her age. So enjoy!

Down Low Glow...
Now I can see this as being of some use, but it is how much? I am thinking this is an awesome idea, but unless you are a die hard that only cycles at night.(and why would you? Unless someone forgot to tell you, you will see more in the day light sparky.) I think I can save you some money by using some of the campers glow sticks. Now battery operated is cool too, but there is always worrying if your batteries are charged up. Now having a solar cell might be an option. I just think that batteries whether it is rechargeable or disposable are a tax on the environment. For the most of the general public the camping glow sticks would be a functionable alternative. For you folks that find you need to cycle in the dark you have hit the mother load of safe products for your bike!

From the Just When you thought you heard it all file.
Well I know people are in need of stimulants to get up and get going in the morning, and I must admit I have heard of this before, but I just chalked it up to be a geek think. Now I guess it is more then those stressed out sleep deprived programmers that are needing this. Caffeine soap......Just when you thought your extra latte espresso was not cutting it for you, you can get your latest jolt before you even get dressed in the morning. I don't know what is next? I can hear it now "man dies in the alley after mainlining too hot of coffee in his veins on the way to the office! I think way extreme is the two words we are looking for here. On that note I think I am going to go fix myself a coffee before I finish typing this...grin...

Sign him up!
Now I know we all think our kids are super stars when it comes to sports. Ok some of us do. I am sure I would if I had Anyway you have to check this kid out. First and foremost trying to get a kid that focused on anything let alone 4 hours a day other then a video game is pretty amazing! Especially because it involves physical activity. Listen (btw if you have not figured it out click on the highlighted parts of the link) I know that kids are supposed to be active, but having focus and imagination out side of a video game is as likely as easy as finding a virgin in a maturity non existent! Anyway I know I hear it now that all your Timmy's and Suzy's are perfect kids. I know I get it. Anyway when this kid gets a bit older, and he is smart enough to stay away from the steroids, and the other mind blowing drugs, and he has matured enough to add 14+2 he should be a super star. Keeping in mind that his parents have not pushed him so hard that he runs from a court !(that is basketball) screaming faster then a fat kid going to summer of exercise camp. I know I heard it that dear old dad says he is not pushing him, but now that he clues in that his son could be a mega superstar because of the media attention he will be riding him harder then
sea biscuit was rode in his last race . Anyway check out the story or move on.

Correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't chariety begin at home?

Well that is what I was always taught anyway! I guess when you are raised with a golden spoon in your mouth as I am sure Mr. Harper was, it is different for the rich and droll. I am going to digress for a second. I was just a young lad and my Grandmother and I were at a function for New Years one year, and I had the extreme pleasure as some would think or in my case I thought it was the misfortune in tasting cavier. Now my whole point to this other then the fact of me sharing my culinary misfortunes with you is. When I was asked what I thought of cavier it was mentioned that this was the food for the rich and famous. Well my comment to that is if that is what they eat I will stick to poor food like Kraft Dinner and Wieners! Anyway I digressed, my point is though I think there is a pile of kids that are in our very own country that are starving that could need these funds! Look at how many food banks that could operate on just the interest of that money! Anyway once again our goofs in suits up in Ottawa screw us once again!

Coaching your child getting them ready for collage = $500
All the mental health costs waiting for them to get there = $2500
Finding out they went to the
The Klingon Language Institute = $5000
Kicking his ass up between his shoulder blades for ever thinking of a stupid idea = PRICELESS

Well I have heard of lame institutes before, but this has to take them all. The "runnng joke in university was what do people say with a political science degree; """do you want fries with that?" Well I guess this is pretty much the same thing except you can talk in a language that no one understands or really cares unless you are in a group of hardcore geeks that is about .5% of society! Anyway enough said. I just had to enlighten new or wannabe parents of such an upstanding facility. BAHAhahahahahaha

A motorcycle that is ugly and expensive!

I think enough is said with the above statement. Except Mr. Harper can buy one of these for his collection, or better yet buy one, and send it over to the starving people abroad. That would make as much sense!

Now from the useless to the useful (I am not sure what is happening with the text. My computer is having issues), but anyway I would be remissed if I did not let my fellow readers know about this little gem. Free computer programs
they are windows secrets if you will. If you look just down the right side of the page the programs are broke down in categories. I am sure there is something there for everyone. PLEASE note all these programs are priced just as WALMART has special pricing so does Darcy. Mine are FREE! That's right free for the taking. My gift to you... Yes there is still a free lunch in this world if you look hard enough...ENJOY!!!!

Now as promised I have said I will be hi-lighting fellow bloggers. Well this one I stumbled across totally by accident, but it has kind of a touch of my past associated to it. Some of my fellow readers will have association to this also. You know who you. Anyway not to take away from the site What I thought about it

is a great sight that informs people what the food and service is like at every place this person visits. Now I encourage you to go check out the site and visit often. See what I and a few readers have in common with this site. I will give you a hint just in case this person has written on another location. Chicken is your clue...Be careful a business near you could be next!

Anyway it is time for me to wander back to the jungle.

Until next time....


From The Big Ape

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

So Now What?????

So I am sure there is a lot of people are standing around the water coolers today playing arm chair Prime Minster. Well at the end of the day what did this latest Federal Election do other than stroke Harper's ego and say; "you the man!!!!" So at the end of the day the tax payers like you and I are left to foot the bill for the war chest that they used for campaigning, and fund the lame television commercials that they put out. I think the other thing this election did was just hi-light how big of a knuckle head Dion really is, and hopefully was. PLEEESE Liberal party if you have half a brain vote a new leader for your party. Don't get me wrong I think they all have some good points, and depending on who you talk to depends on those points in question. I will say the people in the west have either been blue or Red. When you see Orange creep in there you know there is complete distention in the big power race they call politics. I was discussing some matters with a friend through email last night, and I asked if he was surprised as to the out come of the election? As we both agreed it was a huge waste of money, and Dion was outed for the goof that he really is. Maybe we should note the time and day along with the place as to when I agreed with someone on politics. I fly way past the point of either left or Right. I float on the scale of scary and border the line of

Here is a pic that was sent to me some may find offensive. F
or that I will not apologize as I consider these writings as mine, and I will be the first to admit that I tred no where near political correctness. So if you are offended go away quietly, or put a email curse on me that wishes me early finger arthritis. Any way I found more truth to this then really being funny. I truly don't have a problem with new comers coming to our country, but SPEAK english when you are in public. What you do behind closed doors is totally up to you! When in local cafes or any other public place at least make a half assed attempt to speak our language. I know our language is messed up, and I am sure when there is two or three spellings for a word it will mess you up, all we can do is ask you to try. Look at Abeu from the squishy mart if he can do it any one can. Now
I digressed here is the picture.

Well here is some things that has been brought to my attention that I had to make note of. I have a web widget that asks random questions that ponder life. Now I am not sure if that is a random group of people that just observe life, or we have one really small group of people that do not have a life. Either way here is a few I found amusing. If you have any hardcore answers to these life long questions don't be afraid to comment or email me so I can enlighten my reading public.

Why are most homes white?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

What does Geronimo yell when he jumps out of a plane?

Why is a boxing ring square?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, than who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead"?

What do little birdies see if they get knocked unconscious?

Speaking of my readers, I installed a little widget on my blog that tracks the location of my readers. Now before everybody goes James Bond paranoid on me, and feel that big brother is watching them. I do not know who you are or what your name is, and no I cannot gain access to your computer. It only recognizes someone from (insert name here) has tracked across this page. The couple of reasons that I even installed this was:
1. I wanted to know if anyone was reading my junk?
2. I was curious as to where people was from that might find my ramblings interesting enough to at least trip across the site. Now I know I have a small readership of friends that visit occasionally if nothing else to humor me that you can say I read your piece on "X" and you are so wrong your head is up your ass! Well like I have always said opinions are like certain parts of our anatomy we all have one, just some are bigger then others.

Here is a head line I came across this morning while reading my group of daily papers;

"Bush, Paulson say economic rebound in the United States will take time"

You don't say sparky!!!! Now I think that is the most ignorant statement a so called leader could make. That goes to show you that you do not have to be smart to run a country. All you need is gobs of money or caught someone doing a goat, and you have a picture of it. Or in Clinton's case someone doing an intern! lol
That is like saying you will eventually lose weight if you quit eating for long enough. Time waits for no one sparky! Lets face it the damage is done, and it is going to take more then a few years to get back on their feet in the USA. First of all they need to get leadership that is not a bully. Once that happens they can stock pile their reserves from their military and lick their wounds. Then they will live happily ever after!

Now this next story I am not sure how to grasp. Do I commend this hill billy for at least having enough brains to not get behind the wheel when she thought she might be impaired? Or do I call her the dumb as of the week for allowing a 9 year old to drive. Now what I find even more humorous is the comments that were attached to this piece. Without further ado.

Drinking mother makes girl, 9, her designated driver

Seriously though she could have done worse. How much of a bad person would she had been if she had been drunk, and did have an accident which killed the little girl.
Personally I was driving on the back roads at 12 does that make my parents bad people? I am not some deranged nut job! Well at least it was not my parents fault anyway. I got that way after a I left home. hehehehehehehe

Nope the votes are in. The dumb ass of the day goes to this guy. Now he was chosen for a couple of reasons:
1. Why did he think this was a video people would find interesting enough to be put up in cyber space?
2. How bord do you need to be to think of an instrument like this?
I blame reality television for stuff like this. It gives people creative license to think we might be interested in crap like this!

Well I stumbled across this blog last night when I was doing some reading. I must admit this blog is like a train wreck you just can't turn away once you are there. I did not agree with everything he had to say, but he is worth taking a trip over to and see what you think. I plan on throwing him in my daily read column just to see what he has to say long term. He had a pretty good comment about the TEPEE here in Medicine Hat.

Well I think that will be all for now. I have done enough damage for one day. grin.....

Until Next Time
From The Old Ape

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Kind Of A Cranky Posting Day

Well as we Canadians recover from a giant feast on turkey after thanksgiving day. I could never understand why we had to not share thanksgiving with our neighbours to the south. Why be different I ask? Maybe it is a consperiousy from the turkey growers of America to sell more turkeys in the year. That forces one to ponder why not have two Christmas's or two Easters. I guess with all the commercialism of Christmas I swear 1 day after school goes back some stores start to bring out the Christmas decorations! As for the Easter Bunny, he did not have enough economic force to create 2 special days in the world. You would think the dentists of the world would have united and set 2 Easters as then it would cause more dental concerns with all that sugar floating around rotting teeth as we sit. I can hear the decay now!!! LOL Then there would be all the health groups that want to banish holidays and days of interest like Easter and Halloween as it is bad for waistlines and general health. I came to the conclusion that the squeaky wheel always get the grease regardless of how stupid that the request or action is.

Now I like this next place I found. Build it and they shall come they say. Well all I can say is wow why didn't I of think of that ! A smashing success is what you can call this next place. In today's stressful society someone has thought out side of the box and is capitalizing on life's little stress's. A pretty creative business plan was written for this I am sure. I wish them all the success in the world maybe they will franchise these out in Canada. Lately I would probably be their best customer. I can hear the glass breaking now!!!!!

They say laughter is good medicine. Well here is something to make you smile:

The Duck and the Condom

Two ducks go on their honeymoon and stay in a hotel. As they are about to make love, the male duck says, ''Oh, we haven't got any condoms. I'll ring down to room service.'' He calls and asks for some condoms.

The woman says, ''OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?''

''No,'' he says, ''I'll suffocate!''

Hey I don't write them I am just the messenger. You know the routine don't shoot the messenger, but you have to admit that warrants at least a smile!

I had to share this link that I was sent. Now a couple things come to mind as to why you should not be doing this. The next thing I can think of is because no one ever told this person you should not do this. The lawyer train is gaining steam as we read this. We all know what happened with McDonald's and the coffee fiasco. I can read the headlines now; "woman sues car wash or car manufacturer because the owners manual did not tell her that she could not use a pressure washer on the inside of the car. Again I go back to what were you doing that was that nasty you needed to take a pressure washer to the inside of your vehicle. I guess this gives new meaning to Mrs Clean.

The gift giving season is coming at a fast pace. Here is an idea for those hard to get for people. The gift that goes beyond the average run of the mill off of the shelf present. Now that is one gift you can actually say is over the moon. lol

Now as I promised last post. I was going to high lite fellow bloggers. I have been reading this families post for a few months now. They sound like a great family. It appears they have some family stressors, but their faith is strong. Maybe we all should take a lesson from these folks. I must admit I especially like his what he is thankful posting. I wish him and his wife all the best in their quest to set up a church here. At times I may not be in tune with my spirtual side, but as each day passes I seem be getting stronger in that sense also.

Well I must admit I do feel better now...
I never even threw anything or broke a dish... Writing the cleansing of the sole.

Despite the appearance of being separate individuals, we are all connected to patterns of intelligence governing the cosmos. - Deepak Chopra

For you geeky types I have set my blog to a RSS aggrigator. So if you are so inclined and understand what I just said feel free to subscribe.

From the Big Ape

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Your Next Car Could Have Parental Controls And More...

Well we have been kind of on a big brother kick, well lets continue down that same path. It has been discovered Ford Motor Products have been listening to you as a consumer, and you have said that when little Johnny or Suzy hits the road you want to control how they drive or if nothing less be notified if they are having bad driving habits. Well I am not sure if you are one of those Ford customers or not, but what do you think about this idea? Personally I think it is an awesome idea, but then I am not 16 and trying to impress my 16 year old sweet heart as to my driving skills or their lack there of. Do you think this is big brother taking that step closer to that Orwellian land of abysses? If you have not read 1984 by George Orwell it is a classic in futuristic thinking. I can see from a mechanical idea that it is only setting us up for more head aches. When it comes to something breaking we all know what happens to computers especially if you are running a windows product (sorry I could not resist) the system seems to have to be rebooted periodically. Hopefully this is not the case when you are needing it to drive. Maybe the speed limit that you set for your kid all of sudden is messed up, and it is projected to everyone's keys. I think it is a good idea, but more trial testing needs to be done before it is released to the mass public. Not only that we know how much your kids are better with computers then you . Then systems could be hacked by the little wise ass geek down the street, and you will be limited to 35 miles an hour while your kid races around doing 90 MPH. The Ford Control Article

Can you believe it!!!! The USA government blinked!!! They just lost a lot of respect with me. and I am sure many more Canadians. I cannot believe that the 70 dollar bailout was actually rammed through! I guess none of us are political virgins any longer. I just wish they would have kissed me before they bent me over! Personally at this stage it really does not make too much difference to me one way or other, other then what is the spin off on the Canadian Govt now? It appears that apparently the USA is a true bully. All tough and in your face until you stand up to them once , then it is a game of cover and cry like a little school girl. Oh well it is just an added expense to the already trillions of dollars they already owe. It's like the old saying; "the one with the most toys, and deepest in debt at the end wins." If that is the case the USA is the grand champion once again!

Well I am finding out that I am getting closer then I think to being that LPN..grin Well the latest saga of the life and times of an old ape is I tore my meniscus on the left side of my right knee Tuesday morning. (Don't ask) it is not that interesting of a story. So I spent Friday in Brook's ER department. Pretty soon I am going to get frequent flier points or shares in the place! Anyway there is some speculation of possibility that a blood clot could be associated with this latest adventure, so it was explained I would have to inject blood thinners into myself daily until it is determined whether the clot exsists or not. Also I was instructed to stay in bed as much as possible... thank god for wifi is all I can say. Anyway I digress! Well my wife in all her support informs me that she is in no way, shape, or form going to be injecting me with anything. She just gets oozy thinking about needles going into a body part let alone being the one driving that puppy home! So Saturday I had a crash course on needle handling. I was certified to deliver meds before, just not injections. Well I can add this to my life skills page. I just hope those injections are going into someone else as I never have been a fan of being a pin cushion. Non the less chalk that up to another life skill that will probably be rendered useless on this old primate!

So you may or may not know that t is official that you do not have to be bothered any further with those annoying sales calls right at dinner time from tele-marketers. This is someone wanting to clean your furnace, or sell you an insurance policy. Will hark I hear the angels singing the do not call registry is officially up, and running. Does this mean the death of tele-marketers? Well no I don't think so. Read the fine print of the registry page there is still some loop holes, but it should cause a bit less stress during your quality time with you, and your feed bag! You know it is not even the fact that they call, well ok it is annoying when they call, but what pisses me off even more is when you get Suzy or Joe salesperson that thinks they are super salesperson of the week, and can strong arm you or pressure you into a sale. All I can say is sales are just like sex. NO means No! Not maybe or if I leave an uncomfortable pause there that you will cave faster then a fat kid in a candy store. Well I now give two chances depending on my mood of the day. If you get me in a good mood I will let them finish their speech, and politely tell them that I thank them for their time I am not interested. If a not so good mood is present I do not even let them get started, and I shut them down. Now if you get a goof that wants to banter with you, and argue with you that their product is the last sale you need in your life...WELL then it is gloves off, and the not so nice ape comes out. Anyway register and save your money for something else besides blood pressure pills!

A feature that I am going to be starting is spot light on a blog! I think there is a ton of great writers out there that need to be show cased so I am going to be giving props to ones I find interesting, and I encourage you as the reader to send me suggestions of stuff you are reading that other people might also find interesting. Today's featured link is:

Until next time:

From The Big Ape :o)