Hello From the Frozen North

You know how it is when you go down to the USA and they hear you are from Canada they ask all those silly questions about the ice and snow. Well I think that laughing at them for their funny questions have came back to haunt us! Dam is it cold out there!!! Being I am of the primate persuasion certain parts of my anatomy have frozen off and are being kept in a jar of antifreeze for safe keeping until warmer weather arrives. I figure at this rate I might be able to reattach them about June. LOL Well not much has been happening in the old Jungle other then the primal job of keeping warm in this hellish weather. Come to think of it, if it was a bit more like Haties we would not be so cold! Well being I have no real news of late I thought I would share a couple of E-Funnies I have received as of late that stroked my funny bone.
This first one I can see this being me although I do not see myself as much of a cowboy I do see myself as a dumb redneck that would do this so here it goes:



A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.


'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Just a couple minutes ago...'

Now for those of you that truly know me does that not have my name written all over that!!!!

Now I wish I could call this lady my relative, but I guess she could be a surrogate aunt. My friend and yours solving lifes problems once again...Maxine.

BEST political statement in a long time.
Maxine for President or Prime Minister
This is Maxine.

Everyone concentrates on the problems we are having in this country lately:
illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida.
Not me, I concentrate on solutions for the problems. It is a win-win situation.
+ Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
+ Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Are there any other problems you would like me to solve today?
Yes!

Think about this one:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow ,
epidemic our government could track a single cow,
born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the ,
state of Washington?
And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million ,
illegal aliens wandering around our country.
Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ....
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The 10 Commandments - The real reason that we cannot have the,
Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:
You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,'
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' and
'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...
It creates a hostile work environment.

Now do you not think that if we had more people like her that was running both the governments in Canada and the USA we would be better for it? I do!!!

Well my fingers are starting to freeze again time to go throw another log on the fire, and go thaw out the front window to see that dog sled that carries the mail when it comes by!

Until next time stay warm and remember I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Just to show our friends to the south what cold is:
Metric
-24 C with a wind chill of -35 C converting it for our friends to the south -24 C is -11 F with a wind chill of -31 F. Now I know why our friends to the south like the old school method. It does not sound as bad when you are giving the bad news! LOL

Cheers
From The Big Ape