Monday, December 29, 2008

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs?

Well as we all push back from life's table from all the festivities, and realized that we have probably sent more then the GDP of a small African country we head towards New Years plump and happy, until our first credit card statements of 2009. Yep the big 2009! Now I must admit that New Years Eve is not so important for myself and the Mrs. She is finding it too hard to keep me on my leash in her old age lol. She finds it just easier to keep me in my cage. It is those banana daiquiris. I just go ape for them!!! That and Jack Daniels and Ice Tea...You gotta luv it!!!! I feel that Christmas is for kids, and we are kid-less so we decided to just relax, and spend Christmas at home this year. It was not with out saying we still had some great food, and goodies. The Ape Trainer can wrestle up a mean spread when put into action. We had friends in on Boxing day along with people popping in through out the holidays. So now we focus on the new year. So if you are a worry wort, and you buy into the; "are we going into another depression???" headlines. Then your 2009 is probably pretty bleak. Maybe it is because I have nothing to lose anymore other then life itself, and even that I feel I have lived a pretty rich life if I was going to die tomorrow I am ready. Now before someone calls 911 and thinks I should go vacation with the boys in the white suits...hold on!!! I said I am ready that does not mean I necessarily want to go, and yes given the opportunity there is things I would like to do yet, but looking at life as a place of opportunity rather then oh what have I missed has changed me for the better! I guess it is a case of a glass half full verses a glass half empty type situation. So now that I have found inner peace with myself, and what is around me; what about you? Now don't get me wrong stress is still present in my life, and I am far from being perfect in my zen attitude, but the new me is trying to find that balance in my life. So when it comes to this time of year people feel that we should buy into the whole idea of cleansing the body of the past year, and starting fresh for the new year. What ever blows your hair back I guess... I gave up on New Years resolutions a long time ago. Most of the time I never kept them for anymore then a month anyway. What is the top ten New Years commitments I hear the music and drum role now! lol :

10. Get organized
Well sparky you should not wait until January 1st to does this. If you are disorganized don't wait do it NOW!!! You will be happier and the world around you will be neater. Hey who knows it will be like December 25th all over again on all the stuff you find that you forgot you had!

9. Help others
Well if you were not so self centered and chipped in and helped others they might return the favor, and then you would not be so disorganized!

8. Learn Something new
Once again if you only wait until January 1st to do this no wonder the world is passing you by. You should try and learn something new everyday! It does not have to be life altering, but stimulating the brain matter keeps the seniors lodges from looking like a parking lot for the compost heap in heaven.

7. Get out of Debt
Well sunshine debt is one thing, but sinking yourself beyond your limits is another. Economics 101 states debt is not bad as along as it is controlled, and we live within our means. It is when we try keeping up with the Jone's that we cause the world to come crashing down. Just ask GM or Chrysler they will back me up!

6. Quit drinking
Have you heard the term moderation? Nothing is bad for you for maybe the exception of smoking as long as it is done in MODERATION!!!! That is what is wrong with people in this world nobody can do anything without going Ape! Now I am even guilty of this or I would not be called the 500 LB Gorilla! Even though I only weighed 98 LBS I think I would still carry the nick name. People just seem to listen to someone that is bigger then if you are tiny. The 98 LB gorilla just does not have the same impact! lol

5. Enjoy life more
Well that is a no brainer! DUH if you were not so busy worrying about all your faults you would enjoy life more. A very wise person passed on the secret of life to me recently. Live simply in the Now! Don't worry about the past as you cannot change it, Don't get hung up on the future as then you will miss what is going on in front of you, and that is the Now! Thanks Cesar I am truly in gratitude to you!!!

4. Quit Smoking
Again Don't wait until January 1st to do this NOW!!! It is a very bad habit, it is killing you, and it is also expensive! Now with that being said I it know it is an addiction, and it will not be easy if you fail once keep trying. You also have to quit for the right reason, and that is for YOU! If you are quitting to make someone else happy you are setting yourself up to fail. You have to buy into the idea to truly succeed. Now look at it this way. You are going to feel better, and save money all in the same resolution! Wow... I should sell this information! Do I smell a book deal??? Get Oprah on the

3 and 2. Lose weight and get fitter
Every one thinks they should lose weight, and go to the gym more often. That is why you need to circle the gym parking lots like a buzzard looking for dinner for about 30 to 45 days after Christmas. Personally I thought losing weight would have been #1, but I stand corrected. This is also the time we go use all our gift cards to purchase gym equipment to have it as a stylish close hanger or rack in about 3 months time. (guilty as charged)!!

Now the drum role please.......

1. Spend more time with friends and family
Well again that is a very noble idea, but I feel that you should not be waiting until January1st to do this. If you are feeling that you are not spending enough time or eating properly or needing to change a behavior don't wait there is not better time then the present sparky!!

I know you want one last bash where you know you smoked way too much, and drank enough to make an Irishman green with a hangover just smelling you. So as you drag your sorry carcases around asking yourself why you did this to yourselves? We will be standing back, and counting how long it takes for you to break the promises to god if he just stopped the room from spinning you will quit drinking, or doing what ever else promised in order to feel better. Sound familiar?

Well I would be remissed If I and the Ape Trainer did not wish you and yours a very good new years and all the best for 2009!

In parting I have to share this little story with you. I understand this is true. I hope this was not you, and if it was I think some new years resolutions are in order!!!!

You gotta read this police report
Jacksonville, Fl., Police Dept.

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and asks him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home anyway. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. ????? is there, and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car, and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

True story: Told by the driver at his first AA meeting.

Thanks Diane H...

Remember don't go through life having regrets...face life finishing beaten and battered sliding into heaven with both feet saying woooooooo hoooooo that was fun!

Until Next Time
From The Big Ape

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