Saturday, August 30, 2008

Wow it is amazing how time slips away

Well believe it or not it will be a month this coming Wednesday since I entered hospital! I have been doing an email enzine to some friends, but I figured it was time to share my writings with all my reading public as well. Well it actually started out quite innocenly, but kind of snow balled now it has been this hudge adventure. You really know who your true friends are in times like this. Believe me when I say Mellody and I cannot thank you all enough for all the help during this crazy time. The small loans, the places to stay, the moral support, the many visits to me in hospital, concerned phone calls at home to find out how things were going. I could take the time to list you all, but for fear that I would miss someone I will say a heart felt thank you from Mellody and myself! You all know who you are. It is starting to look like I may be seeing a close to this intersting ride. If all goes well I should be home this coming Friday. I said coming in I was going to be patient, and let the fine doctors and nurses work their magic on me. Really though I must confess this journey is getting a bit old, and I am really looking forward to seeing my beautiful wife more then a couple of days a week for a total of 12 hours or so. I said when I started this journey I was hoping to get rid of the some of meds, but unfortunetly I have increased the number of pills, but decreased in dosage so at the end of the day my inurds are going to like me more they tell me. A couple of those additions are vitamins and minerals. So once they can get all my levels balanced I can be sprung from the Brooks Hilton. I cannot say enough about the awesome care I got both in Brooks and Calgary! Medicine Hat really needs to wake up and follow the skills of their Brother and Sister hospitals to become better then what they are now. Enough of the negativity I am in good hands, and that is all that matters.

Looking out my window it looks dull and grey the staff along with Mellody tell me I really am not missing anything out side as it is unusually cool for this time of year. I guess we are getting down to 5 and 7 degress at night. That is see your breath weather for all you people that are not metric. I don't think it will be long before we say that four letter word that starts with S, but not what you say when you stub your toe!! Lol I think we are going to be enjoying or struggling with winter (depend on who you are) early!

The good old farmers almanac says we are going to have a bitterly cold january and feburary. I really don't care how cold it is as long as we don't get a lot of snow. I am a big ape and I am very clumsey now, put some ice under me when I walk, and you have a receipt for an earth quake. Every time I take a tumble they check with me just to see if I am all right, see where the epicenter is. As one of these days I am going to fall hard, and Vancouver is going to be washed out in the ocean! Man if I continue on this weight loss gig I am going to have to get new joke material! Lol. Well this posting is taking a few days in the making. Between the the great visits and various distractions of hospital duties it has taken me a few days to complete. Well the 4 weeks stay has come ans went. They are still getting some things ironed out with my bi-pap machine. I have quit second guessing as to when I am going to be sprung. I will make a posting when that great day happens.

Well I would like a couple of things that have been shared with me in email that I thought would be interesting for you the readers:

 Dear Tech Support,

 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a  distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under  Boyfriend 5.0.

 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,  such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes  the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these  problems, but to no avail.

 What can I do?




 First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an  operating system.

 Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download  Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
 If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then  automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

 However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband  1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

 Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download  the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

 Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

 In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend  5.0-program .These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

 In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited  memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider 
 buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We  recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

 Good Luck Babe!

 Tech Support

Now that is funny especially if you are a hi-tech redneck like myself.
Thanks Diane I am sure my readers will like that one.

Here is another one that should be passed around:

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. 

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table and next to the barbecue.

Then came the shit. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table... everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore! So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.


Soon, the back yard was like it used to be... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see... Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. 

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to 'press one' to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than the 'Maple Leaf' are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. .. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the shit!

I think it is time to start cleaning up our back yards!

Thanks Tammie that is also a good one that needs to be passed around.
See how easy it is to blog when you have friends like these!

Well I think it is time to send this as it appears to be getting a bit long.
Until next time.

From the Big Ape ;-)

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